Saturday, 21 January 2017

Epilogue

I hope you have enjoyed reading this series of posts (starting at [1]) as much as I enjoyed writing them. I have also consolidated them into a single "Mini Blog Novel". Please do share it if you like it. That will help me get across my effort at writing to more readers who may enjoy it.

Here's sharing some thoughts as I put the pen down on this story:

Whether it is the blues, or rock n' roll, or jazz, or folk music, or the opera, or ghazals, or light Indian music, many songs are about romantic love. I suppose that is only natural since attraction and the manner in which the masculine and feminine aspects are drawn towards and complement each other is perhaps one of the stronger pulls many experience in their lives. Yet there is something that worries and troubles me and I would like to talk about it a bit as I bring this series of posts to a close.

It seems that some people are entering relationships at early ages nowadays. By early I mean in schools and the beginning years of college life. I do not wish to lay a morality based sermon on anyone but rather simply appeal to the common sense that I believe is innate in everyone.

If you happen to like someone in your school or early college years, be good friends with them. Supoort each other in studies and each other's growth into becoming sensible human beings. But wait till you reach the state of adulthood before deciding on being in a relationship.

Why do I say this? Not because I hold any moral judgment against relationships, but based on the following thought process:

There is something called "adulthood" that we all recognize and are aware of. There is a certain psycho-physio-logical development that needs to happen in our minds and bodies before we can call ourselves adults. Reaching this stage is essential if one is to appreciate being in a relationship. And this development takes its time. It cannot be hurried. If one enters a relationship before this development has consolidated in their being, one risks either being overwhelmed by it or trivializing it to an extent that it may become difficult to appreciate and have a fulfilling relationship later in life. Worse, one can get emotionally and psychologically disturbed and this can take a long time to heal later.

Your school and college years are for you to grow as individuals and consolidate yourselves. Use these years to understand yourselves, gain a mastery over your minds and emotions and consolidate your personalities. If this doesn't happen, if you are not consolidated within as a mature individual, where is the question of you actually relating with another individual in a meaningful manner?

If your liking for someone is deep enough, and vice versa, surely you can be good friends for some years and decide on being in a relationship after you both have matured as human beings first.

As someone I have deeply respected over the years said once: In a relationship one expects that half and half will make one but it seems like today half and half makes one fourth! I would take that one step further. I think often half and half simply cancel out and arrive at a zero.

Isn't this what we are seeing around us? I think one significant reason for this is that people have not paid attention to and spent their younger years in growing in wisdom and maturity themselves.

Alongside, discover your callings and nurture them. Resolve to aspire for excellence in whatever subjects or pursuits you feel passionate about. It may be science or mathematics, or history, or art, or music, or sports, or law, or medicine, or philosophy, or yoga, or meditation and spirituality, or whichever other positive pursuit you find your calling in. Focus your energies and attention in whichever direction you wish to grow in and develop the momentum that will propel you towards trying to attain a mastery of it in your lives. Your school and college days are precious from this viewpoint. This time and the levels of energy you carry with you now will never come back. Use these years very very sensibly.

And when you are consolidated, when you are clear about and focused on your goals, when you are grown up, and then wish to be in a relationship, by all means : be in one. If you and your partner enter a relationship or marriage with a developed wisdom and maturity, chances are that you will have a fulfilling relationship. May it be so for you, may you be happy and may you sing many a song for each other.

But then sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to despite all our best intentions and efforts. This is where my emphasis on being clear about your individual focus and a commitment to aspiring for excellence in subjects or pursuits of your choice comes into play. If you develop this clarity when you are young, you will be able to handle the downs of life that much better. So if things are not working out for you and your partner or spouse despite your best efforts, well, sometimes one has to let go and accept that sadness also comes around once in a while in life. Let go when you know you've given it your best and its time to let go, sing yourself a few blues songs (or play some notes on the flute, or your favorite raag on the Sitar, or maybe lose yourself in rhythm with the Table, Mridangam or Ghatam for a while, or give a solo Kathak or Odissi performance just to yourself :)), heal yourself and let the other person heal. Move on. If you have given it your best, you know it within. Move forward with clarity and grace - better luck next time :)!

I wish you the very best in all aspects of your life! Do not stop short of complete enlightenment! As one of my favorite personalities, Swami Vivekananda, once said:

Arise, awake, and stop not till the goal is reached.

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